Overlords

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January 14
nedhepburn: to appease the publishing house overlords yet again, i was faced with a decision of either sacrificing a virgin over a lambs skull or blogging another passage of my new blog-book “The Many Faces Of Seymour-Hoffman” (Neutral Milk Hotel / Handjob Publishing). from appendix A, paragraph ii. “Contrary to popular belief, Hoffman is not 42 years old. In actuality, Hoffman was created in 1974. Philip was never quite comfortable with being the test-tube baby of the entire Scientology movement, created in a lab under the direct supervision of L Ron Hubbard. His biological birth parents are the original Jenny Craig and the real Captain Crunch. He was raised to roam freely on a farm until age 4 with various other Scientology spawn. He fought to retain his social status with the other yearlings, often scrapping and fighting his way to alpha male status. After giving a yearling Tom Cruise a black eye he was bagged and bound for New York. Due to a proccessing error, he ended up in Rochester, on the footsteps of his Uncle Ben, which is where the story of Philip Seymour-Hoffman as we know him starts. Uncle Ben was tragically killed by a petty burglar, which Philip Seymour-Hoffman, only just coming to terms with his own supernatural acting powers, could have stopped. Hoffman never forgave himself for this and after his initial battle with The Green Goblin, decided to use his acting abilities for the forces of good.” Publishing House Overlords; though seemingly innocuous, can be the most diabolical of Overlords. Remember the movie The Firm? That was actually based on a publishing house not a legal firm, but the publishers told John Grisham it was too close to home. (Then they killed his cat.) Unlike jobs that can only seem long term, publishing rights have a huge sunset, therefore Publishers have the ability to get what they need for a longtail investment. Whether that means capping your grandma or simply messing with your driving records, is entirely up to how you behave. I am just saying be prepared Ned when receiving envelopes from your publisher labeled ”Photos - Do Not Bend”.

nedhepburn:

to appease the publishing house overlords yet again, i was faced with a decision of either sacrificing a virgin over a lambs skull or blogging another passage of my new blog-book “The Many Faces Of Seymour-Hoffman” (Neutral Milk Hotel / Handjob Publishing). from appendix A, paragraph ii.

“Contrary to popular belief, Hoffman is not 42 years old. In actuality, Hoffman was created in 1974. Philip was never quite comfortable with being the test-tube baby of the entire Scientology movement, created in a lab under the direct supervision of L Ron Hubbard. His biological birth parents are the original Jenny Craig and the real Captain Crunch. He was raised to roam freely on a farm until age 4 with various other Scientology spawn. He fought to retain his social status with the other yearlings, often scrapping and fighting his way to alpha male status. After giving a yearling Tom Cruise a black eye he was bagged and bound for New York. Due to a proccessing error, he ended up in Rochester, on the footsteps of his Uncle Ben, which is where the story of Philip Seymour-Hoffman as we know him starts.

Uncle Ben was tragically killed by a petty burglar, which Philip Seymour-Hoffman, only just coming to terms with his own supernatural acting powers, could have stopped. Hoffman never forgave himself for this and after his initial battle with The Green Goblin, decided to use his acting abilities for the forces of good.”

Publishing House Overlords; though seemingly innocuous, can be the most diabolical of Overlords. Remember the movie The Firm? That was actually based on a publishing house not a legal firm, but the publishers told John Grisham it was too close to home. (Then they killed his cat.)

Unlike jobs that can only seem long term, publishing rights have a huge sunset, therefore Publishers have the ability to get what they need for a longtail investment. Whether that means capping your grandma or simply messing with your driving records, is entirely up to how you behave.

I am just saying be prepared Ned when receiving envelopes from your publisher labeled ”Photos - Do Not Bend”.